“Will I find a believer
Another one who believes
Another one to deceive
Over and over down on my knees
If I get any closer
And if you open up wide
And if you let me inside
On and on I’ve got nothing to hide”
~ Foo Fighters “All My Life”
Credit where it’s due: Painting by Erik Thor Sandberg @thor_shimmer
If I’m not over thinking, then I’m not thinking at all.
Son of a bitch. And not THIS Bitch. SOB.
I am filled with rage. The more I seek inner peace and the understanding of self, the more heated I become. I’m sick and tired of bending to the point of breaking while feeling that others get to stand steadfast in their own selves without regard to anyone – and especially without consideration for ME.
My once brilliant friend found Jesus when she found her newest hubby, and now can’t allow my children around hers because we don’t go to their church. Oh, and let’s ALL PRAY that newest hubby’s baby mama doesn’t get full custody of her own daughter because THEY DON’T WANT TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT to baby mama. Daughter’s welfare and best interest be damned, right? My neighbor’s 6, cursing, criminals-in-training, wannabe bad ass, incorrigible children use MY PORCH, sit in MY CHAIRS, climb on MY ROOF, destroy MY FLOWERS and LANDSCAPING, LOOK IN MY 2nd STORY WINDOWS, SCRATCH CURSE WORDS ON MY WINDOW SCREENS, sit ON MY FUCKING CAR, and I’m a petty fucking BITCH for being pissed about it. Well, they are right about the bitch part 😉 Those fucking little derelict monsters stand IN FRONT OF MY DOOR like they are going to put their hands on me or not let me cross my own threshold. And, to top it off, my father’s gold-digging new wife is on Facebook griping about her ex-husband’s new girlfriend, and there are no minor children to that marriage. 
All of these things might seem little to you. And you might be right about that depending on your perspective. Hell, I know some of that shit is minor. And some isn’t my business at all. Which is why I’m so frustrated with myself for wanting to BURN DOWN THE MOTHER FUCKING WORLD over them. I didn’t used to be such a loose cannon. Once upon a time, there was a Bitch who let bullshit roll off her back, knew some things weren’t worth her time, and walked away truly happy and content that shit was behind her. Then her brain broke the fuck apart, she fell apart, and now she blogs to try to deal with the sun rising every morning. There’s no happily ever after in this story, folks. Just meds and more meds, and the wrong meds, and new meds, and new doses, and ups and downs, and meds, meds, meds. The End.
The End? I’m not that lucky.
FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK THIS LIFE. FUCK NOT BEING ABLE TO FIND MY CHILL. FUCK EVERYONE. And FUCK MY BRAIN.
.
I am my own crown of thorns.
My mind is prone to wandering. It happens when I try to pay attention to any one thing. It doesn’t take its time, either. It’s not like daydreaming after the first 40 minutes of a lecture about the smell of cardboard. It comes on fast, like a 17 year old boy trying to get laid. I have issues reading, watching movies and tv, working crochet, and following all directions. So, I try not to drive. If I don’t have to, I don’t. I think it’s the safest option for me and everyone else. It can be a real pain in the ass, but it’s not worth the possible consequences.
I thought I had a clever name for this post. And as of this sscond, I’ve forgotten what it was. I already typed it out, but I don’t remember what I wrote, and I won’t unless I look at it. Crap. So, there is one ugly monster I hate to acknowledge. I forget. And I forget a lot. It also usually happens when I’m trying to focus on one thing, like writing one damn coherent paragraph. Because it would be too effing easy to be able to focus AND remember. @@ at this Bitch. Maybe it’s just the Effexor, Seroquel, Ambien, Lortab cocktail. Maybe, just maybe, I’m inventing new ways to suck at this “life” thing.
…”Certainly Unsure”
I looked.
“I’m friends with the monster that’s under my bed.
Get along with the voices inside of my head.
You’re trying to save me, stop holding your breath.
And you think I’m crazy, yeah, you think I’m crazy.”
~ Eminem “Monster”
Kind of
“Light from the hallway creep into my room.
Along with the shadowman too, I assume.
Never before had I seen such a form that could change the flame that licks in a storm.
Light as a monkey creep in on his knees and he perched on the edge of the bed if you please.
A new thresh were to begin.
I wait here in the darkness till you fall asleep, and I come to your dreams with a promise to keep.
In the night time till morning I will torment your soul.
I began to tremble.
I covered my head.
Deep in my cloth peeled out with delight. I’d just about fell asleep when it started
It began when I felt
Something under my bed come out.
As the stench of the shadowman breath filled the air and the silence was broken one inchoice from my ear as the shadowman whispered “My boy, I’m right here.”
– Kevin Mannis
Original owner of The Dybbuk Box, Poet, and Writer
The author recited this on the show “Deadly Possessions” as if possessed, but video of him reciting his poem in front of an audience has since surfaced.
http://sys.4chan.org/derefer?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.broadjam.com%2Fkevinmannis
Either way, this Bitch approves.
#zakbagans #deadlypossessions
#kevinmannis #ghostadventures
Tangled veins of blood and pain
Nothing’s wrong.
Anxiety Bitch 